Rope's End

I'm completely out of cash. Everything is up for sale. Am I destined to live the life of a vagabond?

For the past year, it's as if I've been in the grip of a constrictor. Every month I seem to have just squeaked by, while each consecutive month there after I have fewer and fewer resources to work with. Due to a bear economy, I'm more consistently getting fewer hours at my Sport Chalet job where even initially my earnings were barely enough to get by on. As a result, my credit to debt ratio has steadily slipped toward whole number status. With almost no credit left to my name and my monthly expenses exceeding my income, I've had little choice other than to begin selling my belongings. Now even that resource is approaching exhaustion.

I've been searching for a real job for more than a year now. I should say my first honest, or at least dedicated, efforts where made in June after completing my education and graduating from UCSD. I'm still waiting for my diploma to arrive in the mail. After applying to various positions with Blizzard Entertainment -- ranging from Tech Support Rep to Systems Admin -- and not hearing back about any, I reconsidered the scope of positions I should be applying for. Having made the decision to leave the IT industry a long time ago, I knew any effort to find a job in that industry would only ever be half-hearted. If I were to start my career, I needed to work toward my discipline of choice: an artist in the entertainment industry. However, I haven't yet any marketable skills as an artist that could land me a position with a reputable employer, and am not yet ready to continue my education with Gnomon. Lucky for me, as I came to this realization, I met someone who opened me up to another option.

Many game developers, including artists and programmers, start out as quality assurance testers in the video game industry. It allows them to establish work experience, and to network with others already working in their field of interest. I found and applied to two positions: a Quality Assurance Tester position at High Moon Studios, and a Game Tester Analyst position with Nelson Staffing at Sony Computer Entertainment America (SCEA). I was promptly turned down by High Moon Studios, but was interviewed and got the job with Nelson Staffing! I have since successfully completed training with SCEA, was recommended by the instructor as one of the top performers in the class, and have already assisted in testing one of their software titles. I have yet to be placed on a project though, so there's still no steady work or income.

It's been difficult letting go. The only thing that eases my mind is fear of not being able to fulfill my financial responsibilities. I'm so tired of living with this fear; it's wearing me out. I'm letting go of everything, and subsequently am reaching the end of my rope. I have already sold my Intuos3. My Cintiq is now up for sale. Today I will also be posting my JVC GZ-HD7 prosumer camcorder, Olympus E-10 digital SLR camera, FreeAgent AirStrike BMX bicycle, and my LeMond Zurich road bike. It hurts to let go, but I can't afford otherwise.